Moving Mediation Training Online

I’ve been floating on a cloud since wrapping up my first online basic mediation training last week. I mean, look at the gorgeous group I got to work with (see class pic below). It was a fun and eventful training and I want to share a bit about the experience.

First of all, we began our work together the same week that Tropical Storm Isaias hit the Northeast. We forged ahead, not knowing how the weather would impact everyone’s ability to participate. And then we continued on, although many of us were challenged with power outages or loss of internet service. Somehow we all managed to stay connected and on track. Whew! I felt grateful for the capabilities of modern technology, and especially grateful to my husband who kept our home running on the generator through a week-long power outage on our street.

Aside from the excitement the weather brought to the experience, it was also exciting for me to have this chance to connect with twelve new mediators on a virtual platform. Since March when all in person trainings stopped I’ve been exploring ways to build and strengthen professional relationships virtually. With the approval of the New York State Unified Court System to hold Part 146 Initial Mediation Training online for the rest of this year, I decided that translating my basic mediation training from in-person to Zoom could be a great way to continue growing my professional community.

Moving to an online platform provided some thought-provoking challenges for me as a trainer. How could I replicate the sense of connection and community that I value in my trainings? How could I engage multiple learning styles? Which training exercises would translate well and which would need to be revised or scrapped altogether? The outcome was a super fun, ongoing exploration and conversation of the foundational principles and skills of mediation.

Some of the most significant changes that I made were in deciding how to schedule the training. My experience with training online led me to conclude that full-day sessions are more challenging than they are worth. And so I chose to break up the training into six half-day sessions. The feedback I received was that the half-day sessions not only made it easier for people to stay engaged the whole time, it was also easier for them to balance their other responsibilities while participating in the training.

Some things that I made sure to hold on to were plenty of opportunities for practicing skills in exercises and role plays; lots of time for groups conversations and dialogue; and ice breakers and activities that focus on connection.

Overall I feel so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to do the work that I love, even in this challenging time. The quality of the this group of new mediators was fantastic and they were a joy to work with. I am looking forward to continuing to build on the connections we made together long into the future.

Can you bring mediation home with you?

Several years ago I got curious about something. I was working as the Director of the Manhattan Mediation Center, training volunteer mediators, and deepening my exploration of the limits and possibilities of mediation. I was also newly married and had realized that some of the success of my romantic partnership was built on the same communication tools I practiced as a mediator. 

Some of you who have taken my trainings have already heard me talk about how my husband and I have used mediation tools, like reflective listening, in our relationship. That was very successful for us. But I also had some experiences in other interpersonal relationships where I inadvertently escalated a conflict when I tried to ‘mediate’ the interaction. 

So I got curious. Can mediators take their mediation skills home with them? And what happens when they do? 

I began to interview some of my colleagues at the Mediation Center and I noticed some themes emerge. I noticed that mediators tend to lean toward one of two positions: There are those who believe that mediation skills can and should be brought into our own interpersonal relationships. And, on the other side, there are those who believe it is impossible or undesirable to do so.

More than a handful of mediators shared stories with me of having a loved one say to them, “Don’t use that mediation stuff on me!” They told me stories of times they tried to use mediation techniques with a spouse or child, only to have that person call them out. They would be accused of trying to manipulate the situation, or the other person, with their mediation hocus pocus.

Of course, this just made me more curious. I wondered, what makes the difference? Why do some people experience success when they apply their mediation knowledge and skills to their personal relationships? And why do some mediators feel that mediating their own relationships is a failing proposition?

After considering this question for a while, and reflecting on my own experiences and the experiences other mediators shared with me, I noticed a couple of themes. It seems that the ability of a mediator to successfully transfer their mediation skills to their own personal relationships comes down to two important factors: their ability to shift their ROLE when applying the skills, and their INTENT when doing so.

When we mediate, our role is clearly as an impartial third party, uninvested in the conflict. Of course, in our personal relationships, this is not the case. So we must translate the tools and skills to apply to this different role of stakeholder.

And our intention when applying the skills matters immensely. When I have used my ability to identify needs and interests, or my ability to act coolly removed and impartial, as a tool to manipulate someone else’s behavior in a conflict, I have failed. If my intention is to control the other person, I am not successful. 

When the intention is to communicate clearly and to understand the other person, that is when the tools really work. 

My curiosity around this question of whether and how mediators bring the knowledge and skills of their mediation practice home with them was sparked many years ago, but it continues to this day. What are your thoughts? Have you found ways to bring mediation skills home with you? 

Online Basic Mediation Training Coming Soon…

I’m very excited to announce that I will soon be offering basic mediation training online. This training will be offered on the Zoom platform and will be Part 146 Approved for 24 hours of Initial Mediation Training.

Just like my in-person trainings, this online training will be highly interactive. The group will be small, which means that everyone will be able to receive individual support and attention.

Dates are still to be determined, but the first training will be offered in August, with more dates to follow based on interest.

The cost of the training is also still to be determined. However, since diversity in the mediation field is a primary value for me, I will be offering a limited number of spaces at a reduced cost. These spaces will be available primarily for Black and BIPOC participants.

If you, or someone you know, might be interested in participating in this online training opportunity, please complete the inquiry form at the link below.